Letter to Target

Dear Target,

The name of your company is apt, as we’re certain that many dreams across these United States involve hurling sharp projectiles at your architecturally uninspired retail locations. We assure you, however, that we’re unlike such dreamers.

We are unlike such dreamers, for we can no longer dream. Your company, which once inspired our love for weepuls and natural fibers, has left us:

  • Disillusioned,
  • Disempowered, and
  • Disenchanted.

You see, our loyalty has been based on your marketing yourself as a friendlier, more granola version of Walmart. A Walmart that supports gay rights, and also the color mustard. A Walmart that sells darling little doodads for the dorm rooms of doe-eyed college students. A Walmart that charges twenty percent more than the real Walmart, a premium that any self-loathing upper-middle class person is willing, even eager, to pay in order to help substantiate their fantasy that your employees earn a living wage.

Our complaint actually has nothing to do with any of this. Rather, it is with your cotton blanket selection.

At one point, Target, it was possible to purchase a twenty dollar cotton blanket from your housewares section. We’re often in the market for cotton blankets, as our domestic rabbit uses them for edible floor coverings.

Unfortunately for the past few months, whenever we run to Target for an emergency edible blanket, we’re confronted with aisles of polyester microfiber. Alas polyester microfiber is inedible, and no rabbit of ours will root around in it.

Now the only cotton bedding you offer is a fifty dollar “organic” cotton blanket. We’re willing to splurge for the benefit of our house rabbit, but fifty dollars for a blanket that will be consumed in two months is too high a price for assuaging liberal guilt.

We wouldn’t complain but we imagine many of your other loyal customers have infants, small children, spouses with sensitive skin, and adorable little rabbits named Thomasina, and that they would also prefer cotton to synthetic microfleece.

Gratefully,
Elizabeth & Chris
Concerned Owners of a Treasured Pet

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